Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
