She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize