I heard we made out
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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