If i come over, it means nothing
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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