im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
