yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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