I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
