She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
