Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
