I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
