The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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