eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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