Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate all girls vehemently.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
