Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
