I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
