im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
