He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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