Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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