rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
