I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
should my penis look like a turkey
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
