The maid of honor just puked.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
