you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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