with your own penis?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
