She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
