You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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