so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
