Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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