what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
