Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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