He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
