My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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