I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
