We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
