drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
