He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
