I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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