Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
