I smell stomach acid.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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