matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
