I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
