So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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