Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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