Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
