well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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