We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I AM VODKA MAN
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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