Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she woke up with a sticky ear
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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