y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
