My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i love accidental penises.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
