is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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