Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need to sanitize my soul.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
