id be glad to
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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