i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
