I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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