They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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