Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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