worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize