very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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