I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
