and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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