This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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