I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
