I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
