matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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