elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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