I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
