i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
