I must be too annoying 4 u.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
