I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you win again, gameday.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
