Where are you?
In a non slutty way
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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