It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
